If you're reading this, congratulations, I have no idea what you searched to even bring you here.

[PreviousContentRedacted, sorry I don't know how safe my little dark corner of the internet is anymore]

[PreviousContentRedacted]

[PreviousContentRedacted]

[PreviousContentRedacted]

Something is different, and I don't think my previous posts are safe anymore. I thought this was a nice quiet, dark corner of the internet no one would find. I'm slightly scared of who might find it now. There's no real identifying info in the previous stories, but I'm afraid who might read them now. No one knows this website exists and I've tested it out on google, you literally have to type the address letter for letter in the address bar to even get here.

4/23/21

The heck is a twin flame? Meditations rock though, they help calm my current anxiety and depression.

Turns out I have PTSD symptoms, didn't realize it until I spoke to my Psych professor who's a retired Nurse Practitioner in Psychiatric therapy. I love my psychology professors. They both believe I should consider getting my masters and specialty in the field. I haven't the heart to tell them my background. I wonder why this subject always came easy to me. I still want to work with children in Pediatrics, but maybe I could go after multiple specialties once I establish myself. I should specify my goal is to be a traveling nurse. I want to see the world and I want to travel more than just the east coast. This will give me the means and the resources to finally just go out and do it. I have a little extra money from tips saved up to actually go to the places and trails I've always wanted to see and explore. As a traveling nurse, though, I can actually go where ever I want whenever and when I need work I'll be able to just pick up a contract. The adventures of a traveling nurse...has a ring to it.

5/1/21

Well, turns out my little prayer was an actual prayer known as the Ho'oponopono and it goes like this:
I Love you,
I miss you,
I'm sorry,
Please Forgive me,
Thank you...
And it's a Hawaiian prayer for healing. Did not know that. I spent years saying that over and over, quietly and softly to empty space. I filled in my own bits of course, but ultimately, it was an actual prayer, go figure. Just found that out a few days ago. Finals are coming up, but I felt I had to add a little here. Maybe I'll use this now as a dead journal, just a nice little nook on the internet in the middle of nowhere and the corner of nothing to write in.

Something feels different though, something is new. No idea what. Must've been this nice little vacation. Went to Pennsylvania for a little getaway and hiking. The hotel could've used some work and the people could learn a little of how the virus is actually transmitted, but that 's PA for you. Should've considered visiting my uncle and aunt in Philly while I was here, but I wanted to spend the time away from everyone else. Absolutely adored the AT section hike though, and met some fabulous retired park rangers. Loved Hershey park, it felt great to return there since I was up here and so close. Wish I could've visited the Harley Davidson store though, but COVID being what it is...reminds me that I should go after my motorcycle license some time this summer.

5/10/21

Something's changed, I don't know what has drawn me back here. This was just an emotional locker, somewhere I could write to get out what I can't tell anyone else. Something is different now and I want to write more here, explain more. I'll have to fill in the gaps of the story, I'll have to describe what I am now and what I strive to be. I need to tell where I started, why I believe I was emotionally abused all my life, why I even sought relationships with others that just lead to more abuse. I think I've learned to forgive myself, because no one else will. I think I need to write more, because all of this...it doesn't add up, something is different. If you read this, know that the story, the explanation, ALL OF THE ABOVE, it's all incomplete, it's not finished. Please don't try and understand anything of this, I don't what anyone to get confused until I've finished. If ANYTHING, please understand that all of this, this website, is merely evidence that I feel something and that this is real. I think I really might be going crazy.

Just in case, though, I'm redacting all the previous posts. Great now I'm paranoid.